Memoirs of a Tomb Raider

So. 2019. I am NOT a fan of you. January not too bad, and February was also just meh. March, we ended our beautiful malamute's (Oona) struggle with cancer. May,I almost felt human again emotionally speaking, but not quite. June, the death of a dear friend Mika Jones, and July the death of my grandmother and my other fur companion, Willow. I feel emotionally exhausted, and it has pushed me into a form of authenticity I have never felt. All the crap has fallen away. I no longer make excuses or apologize for my needs. I just don't care what people think of me. I feel liberated and overwhelmed, at the same time. What grief has taught me, is, life is too short to waste time on worry guilt, shame, and processing feelings is different for everyone. The lessons I have learned; For you; ‐---------------------------------- Joy is in the moment, not in things. Feel. Feel your body. Dance, hug, breathe Find the joy and love in everything you do. Slow down. Slow the fuck down and be here, n

https://youtu.be/Kpd3gVA0ngc

Float On  My first float ( https://www.healthline.com/health/sensory-deprivation-tank#benefits) was February 1st, and it was amazing. I floated for 90 minutes,  and initially, I thought it would be way too long and I would get super bored, but as I settled in, my mind eventually calmed down. via GIPHY    Now this article I attached which explains floating, states one of the side effects are hallucinations. I have not hallucinated. I have relaxed, I have fidgeted, I have worked through problems, I have focused on my breathing and became distracted by the sound of my own heart, but I have yet to hallucinate. Why do I float?      I get overwhelmed when a lot of things are happening, and my anxiety starts to creep up. Daily meditation helps, but this, this helps clear the palette literally and figuratively. I have nothing else to do during those 90 minutes. No distractions, Just me. My thoughts ( which can be intimidating if you are the type of person who stays busy to avoid

This morning, I woke up and started my morning pages ( https://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/) and I felt absolutely lost. The last few months I have been really analyzing my life and identifying what I want to focus on, what I WANT to spend my time on. I  like to sit at my computer and drink coffee to warm up to the day. At my computer, I did a quick google search for " purpose " and " passion". Found this gem. http://www.thelawofattraction.com/15-minutes-finding-true-purpose/ It offers a few questions to help guide you to what makes you happy. And as I dug into this topic, I could feel some resistance. Writing this down makes it feel real and offers an opportunity to really look at where I am and am not living my dream. 1. What 5-7 things do you value the most?  A.Learning B.Growth C.Exploration D. Flexibility E.Creativity 2. If nothing changed, what would be your biggest regret? My biggest regret would be letting my fe