Memoirs of a Tomb Raider

https://medium.com/change-your-mind/practicing-radical-self-acceptance-1cf850f21277 I started today with this read. Because I always start my confusion with more research. This little read, mentions self compassion, and I about fell out of my chair. I had heard about this concept of self compassion. I had even practiced it a time or two.  Being their for myself, wasn't something I was comfortable or capable of doing in 2013.    I had to relate it to being their for myself, like my golden retriever. (I'm a sucker for animals and my golden retriever Willow, was an exceptional best friend) (Oona (left) and Willow (right)) She never judged me. She was always there by my side to support me, and she always loved me.  With this image and feeling, I  decided, Yes, I could do this. I could be there for myself and even throw a little compassion on it. It would take some learning, but I would rather try and fail than not try at all. 

I had to stay awake for the experience. I'm glad I did.I don't live a life I need to escape from,but I love new experience.  The nuts were warm in first class.  No joke.  And my ginger ale was served in an actual glass. I had 3 magazines to read from and remote for the TV which was only 1 foot away. It was luxury.  Did I mention the blanket? And the earbuds? And the warm hand towel,lightly scented with lemon? Who sleeps through that? Even if they have the room to actually stretch their legs,short though they may be.(My 6'4 husband leaned over and told me he was ruined for first class. I can't blame him. I loved all the room,and I didn't actually need it like he did) Anyways,I digress.  Radical self acceptance. Today,I learned how afraid of abandonment I am. Well, I always kind of knew,I just never really felt it so acutely when not in trigger mode. I could really feel this deep,subconscious fear,a fear which made no sense whatsoever ever in my current,ad

As you may very well know,2019 was excruciatingly challenging. Today,the first day of 2020, I walk around the house,listless and curious about it.  I found my research and focus heading towards self acceptance vs. Self.discipline and ultimately how the two concepts bashed their heads against each other in my mind. I'm a driven person. I want to do everything,and I always have 3-4 goals I work on at all times of the day.  Ultimately,I find myself struggling to get organized. Struggling to understand my incessant need to create and recreate lists,goals,plans and focus on, what is really important to me. I stumbled upon these 2 articles  https://www.mindcoolness.com/blog/solving-the-problem-of-acceptance/ This one comes to the exact question I have had these last 2 years, https://www.mindcoolness.com/blog/alan-watts-discipline/ This one speaks to the difference between self discipline and self acceptance. Although the articles helped hone my question, the concept itself is still a jum