Why am I on the ground every day? A vulnerable look into motivation

 

 I'm doing pushups now. I never really thought I would like them, but here we are. 

Every Monday, Wednesday , Friday, I open up my Nerdfitness app, make my Pumpkin spice protein coffee, sip my Aminos, and slam out some planks and pushups. I am not sponsored, I just LOVE the products.

I do Yoga, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.( Mostly) 

It feels pretty amazing and I genuinely love how capable my body is.  

But why am I getting on the ground every day to stretch,plank,and push?

 Let me take a step back. 

 I have always wanted to do that thing that Laura Croft did in Tomb raider. The one where she grabs a hold of a ledge, and pulls herself up into a complete handstand only to finish with a back bend.

 

 

So- my plan is increase my upper body strength, and do a pull up, then a muscle up, then a hand stand and a back bend.

Because, I was going to explore the world. Specifically the ruins. 

 

But why? And....then what? 

That is an uncomfortable question.

 

 Oh, existential dread, is that you again?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why?

Why this? How will it make my life better? Why pushups? Why upper body strength at all?

 

And images of being a strong , capable confident woman came sliding into the forefront of my brain. 

 I have always had a thing for strong women. Strong physically, or mentally, or strong in themself, doesn't matter. STRONG. 

 

But why?   What does strong mean to me? Strong means capable. Strong means, they don't need permission, they support themself no matter what. Strong meant confident. Confident meant capable, capable, meant not afraid, and that meant, stepping away from fear of abandonment. 

 

 I hadn't realized this was where I was going. Did I just say, I do pushups to not be afraid?

This exploration into motivation can really help someone discover if they WANT to do something or believe the SHOULD. 

I am not a big fan of SHOULD. 

FUCK SHOULD. I remove it from my lexicon. I either WANT TO  or CHOOSE TO. 

NO SHOULD, NO HAVE TO. I am not a victim of my circumstance. I take responsibility for my choices.

So- Moral of the story is- Pay attention to your why. You might learn some things you didn't know about yourself.