Wednesday 9/15/21 Today is a rough day

 It's been a minute, hasn't it?

I sit at my desk today, drinking Rosemary tea, and I don't feel amazing. I feel tired, run down, apathetic, and like I am looking down the ark hole of " why?"

 

I am not even sure why I am writing this. 

Small things help. Music, I listen to ambiance coffee shops with Jazz on you tube, and enjoy the decaf coffee. Yeah, I started drinking decaf.  

 My brain keeps looking for reasons I don't feel awesome. I worked out pretty hard on Monday. I ran, lifted, and had a lot of steps for my " Outbreak App".

 The weather is changing. 

But also, I am tired and frustrated that COVID is still around and I feel unsure about what I am comfortable doing. 

 My brother asks me about how the government is using fear to control us. 

 I just don't have the energy to give a shit about Qanon. 

 Yesterday I posted that if people are pro trump, anti vaxx and anti mask, they can unfriend me. SO far I have 141 friends. The number hasn't shifted yet. 

Am I a hypocrite for not wanting to engage in conversation about QANON, while pushing the idea that being open to new ideas and being wrong is Ok?

Does anyone else struggle with the fear of hypocrisy?

I have faith in my decisions. I listen to my gut, and that shit, that flat earth stuff feels so toxic and self serving. 

On a sided note, I can do a pull up. There is a resistance to accepting that I have achieved this, it still feels really hard.

 IS this a dark night of the soul?

 All I can do is ride it out.